Expression of inner self

I hardly ever cry. I also do not have the slightest of inkling why my tear glands do not execute this onus that they were unambiguously fashioned to perform. Maybe its because they are just slothful like I can be, or its because they are cognizant of the fact that crying makes me pant and huff like somebody who has ran a thousand miles and I get a running nose that compels me to keep on blowing my very subtle nose every two seconds. It gets exasperating. My very white eyes also turn very red when I cry and I detest it when that happens.Or it could be because these glands are acquainted with the datum that I am a very strong woman. I am resilient and tough so I can handle just about anything. Those can be, among other reasons, why my tear glands opt to live without a care in the world.
I cry during burials. Burials are depressing and blue. Other people bellow, others squeal, others are seen to meditate silently and others faint....Whichever way one deems fit to express his/her inner sensations. However, I cry when somebody who matters has died. I do not shriek when the cousin to the cousin of my late great grandmother has died. Or the aunt to the cousin of my granddad has passed on. You get those relations? I am not being malicious or callous, that's just me being me.The last time I cried was at my grandmother's burial.
(May God rest her soul in blissful perpetual rest) I loved (and still do) her with every vein in my system so I was allowed to shriek and screech and bellow and squeal and meditate and faint, all at the same time. Prior to that, I cannot reminisce when I cried last.
However, today I succumbed to the pressures of this life. After fighting and confronting with the feeling for a while, I could not take it anymore. The affliction was way beyond my tough, resilient, and sturdy self. I broke down. I cried profusely for an hour because the person I trusted and looked upon for every small detail in life had let me down. This person turned out to be a total disappointment. I was hurt immensely, intensely and deeply.  But life goes on. As I got up from my bed (with puffy red eyes of course) after an hour of soaking in tears and panting, I felt much better and acknowledged the element that it is okay to shed a tear once in a while.